im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
