I smell stomach acid.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
