i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
