that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
