Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
