I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
