R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
