I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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