last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
