so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
