we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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