You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
