Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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