he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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