I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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