I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
