You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
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I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize