he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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