you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
