I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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