i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
