it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
