you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize