ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
