OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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