That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
