My sheets look like a crime scene.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
