ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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