am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
