Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
