new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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