oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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