i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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