I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
