I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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