We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
