Yo dont text me then not text me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
