the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
