he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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