I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
