PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
