There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
