Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
