i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
