This is not my ceiling
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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