DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
