I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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