Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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