lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
