The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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