non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
