Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You smell like stripper and shame
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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