I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
