nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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