I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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