I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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