How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize