At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
