I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
