I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
