i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
