I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
