She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
